101+ Symptoms of “Hash Addiction.”

1.  You see a guy in a dress (are not shocked) and immediately check your mobile calendar to see which dress run you missed.

2.  When finishing a beer you feel compelled to turn the container upside down on your head.

3. Your knees look like this.

4. You have more sidewalk chalk then your kids.

5.  You have a vessel at the ready, no matter the occasion.

6. You place your coffee cup on your head to be recognized in business meetings.

7.  You yell ON-ON at your kids and expect them to follow AND On-In when it’s time to come in for dinner.

8.  You start any retort with, “Pint of Lager…”

9. You get excited when flour goes on sale in either 25 or 50 lb bags.  

10.   You snicker at work anytime someone says head…  (Head?  Who said head?)

11.  Your Happi coat should now be called a Happi bathrobe and you have more patches than your Eagle scout child.

12.  There is chalk in every bag or pouch you own.

13.  When in line (or in “queue” for our friends across the pond), you notice all the things which people SHOULD be violated for and point them out with your elbow.

14.  Male hashers compare whistle size instead of penis size…mostly cause the kennel has already found that lacking. – Contributed by Rektal Spielunker/POHO H3

15. That awkward moment when a co-work says to you “at least you’ve never worn woman’s clothing”. – Contributed by Cher No Balls

16.  Comments which should get you fired from your job, or at least on a probation warning, are considered the norm and in fact, are highly encouraged. – Contributed by Wufter of Rota/3 Kings H3

17.  Your closest friends in the world find is odd and even unsettling to see you wearing pants. – Contributed by Improper Cleanse

18. Wherever you drive, you’re constantly scouting trail. And thinking to yourself, “I’ve been through that ditch, and that pond and that mud hole!” – Contributed by Porch Pussy

19.  At the end of every office meeting you yell…. “Hat’s off! Pots on the Floor!” – Contributed by Clerk Jerk

#’s 20 – 29 Contributed by Flying Booger from his Top 10:

20. Whistle indentation in middle of chest.

21.  Spends all night on the computer answering messages posted to Hash-L.

22.  Would rather pump a keg than you.

23. Most of the numbers in his little black book end in “-HASH.”

24. Caked four in knuckle hair.

25. Membership brochure from Fat Boys’ Athletic Club on top of dresser.

26. Refuses to romantically sip champagne from your high heels unless you’ve been sweating in them all day.

27.  Introduces you to some guy named “ZiPpy.”

28. You can’t find your plumber’s helper anywhere.

29. “Beer hair.”

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30.  You buy hydrogen peroxide by the case.  Contributed by Clit-R-Us/Gulf Coast H3

#’s 31 – 35 Contributed by Hokie Poke Me:

31.  Your husband can, and does, wear as many of the dresses in your closet as you do.

32.  You have more clothes you can’t wear in muggle society than those you can.

33.  You have more unused toe tags and patches than most hashers have ever gotten.

34.  You spend two weeks travel hashing for your honeymoon.

35.  You travel to another continent just to hash.

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36.  Wearing sneakers and bright colors that don’t match anything has become the norm… even outside of hashing. – Contributed by Deward

37.  You follow “white paper” in the shiggy thinking it’s True Trail.  Only to find out that it’s absolutely not. – Contributed by Intercourse with a Horse, Of Course/Humpin’ Hash House Harriers

38.  You know the dates of the full moon better than NASA. – Contributed by FFigawi

39.  You begin to think being called a “f*cking f*ck” is a normal. – Contributed by Biceptual (Border Jumpers HHH host of Texas Interhash 2015)

40.   Your greatest stories can’t be mentioned at work therefore leading your coworkers to believe you have 0.00% a social life. – Contributed by Bearly Blue

41.  No matter if you’re on trail or not, when you see a trash bag out in the middle of the woods, you go investigate, expecting there will be shitty beer in it. – Contributed by EZ Chair

42. You buy hydrogen peroxide by the case. – Contributed by Clit-R-Us/Gulf Coast H3

#’s 43 – 48 Contributed by Wet/Dry Vac /DFW H3

43.  You introduce your brother to hashing and now you know WAY too much about him. Things at camp outs get – awkward…

44.  You get bad poison ivy rashes so often that the first thing your doctor asks you is what trail did you do last week.

45.  You keep your wooden vessel by your bed in fear that it might be stolen in your sleep.

46.  The majority of emails in your inbox are trail and hash trash related.

47.  You forget a hasher’s real name while trying to introduce him/her to a family member/boss/coworker after knowing this hasher for years.

48.  You are one of the few downing free beers during a marathon and are able to keep running afterwards because it was no big deal.

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49.   You can identify shiggy by the marks it makes on hashers’ legs, arms, faces, torso. – Contributed by Only Half There

#’s 50 – 52 Contributed by Roofies taste like almonds

50.  You give directions to coworkers with your elbow.

51.  You like and then unlike your muggle friend’s Facebook posts because you have realized you are logged into your hash facebook profile.

52.  Violating lost and found in the most disgusting way possible is normal.

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53. You fall during a hash and slice your chin open, but while you wait in the ER to get it stitched up, your main concern is whether there will be any beer left when you get back to the circle. – Contributed by Smells Like Fish

54.  When someone gets called out for messing up at work and you yell “PUNISH THEM!!” – Contributed by Death By Snu-Snu

#55- 58 Contributed by ShesnotOurs/CarolinaTrash Hash House Harriers

55.  Your daughter hashes with you then realizes she shouldn’t have come to your naming trail.

56.  You and your wife hash together so long your wardrobe is one and the same.

57.  The people at Goodwill help you pick out your next dress run outfit.

58.  You see someone urinating in public and you join them.

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59.   When your car is covered in hashing stickers and/or your licence plate is hash related. Contributed by My Cock Will Choke You/FUH3

#60 – 62 Contributed by Crotch Thumper

60.  When there’s some crazy person trying to run you off the road only to realize they were trying to get your attention since you have an ON-ON bumper sticker…and then anger and fear feelings instantly turns to glee upon seeing their ON-ON bumper sticker.

61.  You don’t recognize a hasher by their face, then he shows you his penis and you can instantly recall his hash name.

62.  You accidentally sing Grandma (or another loved one) the wrong version of Happy Birthday.

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63.  When making new friends, you immediately pick out the ones with pickup trucks because they make for better car backs.  Contributed by Gaysha/AH3

64.  When travel hashing you go out into the wilds with people you have never met before and freely trade clothing with them, not for a moment considering it odd behavior.  Contributed by VulvaWhore/GCH3

65.  You have hashed with or met more than half of the contributors on this or any similar thread.Ok, we lied.  We only came up with 13. – Contributed by Which Way Is Inn?/KCH3

66. You move you an area where there is no hash so you start one. – Contributed by Fuck Face/OH3

67.  You notice how many Okinawa Hashers are posting here. – F*ck Face/OH3

68.  You actually believe people can hear you better with your top off. – Contributed by LubriCUNT/GCH3

#69 – 71 Contributed by German Anal Girl/Peach Fuzz H3

69. When you’d rather pop a top on a can of PBR then drink the finest champagne.

70.  When a hariette realizes the guy standing next to her looks better in his dress then she does in hers.

71.  When you Always carry a plastic bag of dry rice in your hash-case to dry out your phone.

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#72 – 75 Contributed by WaterWorks/Alamo City Humpin’ H3

72.  When searching for a new place to live, you automatically dismiss any locations that do not have trail worthy shiggy nearby and any place with a backyard that can’t you hold a circle in.

73.  You bring hash snax so tasty, your kennel presents you with a one of a kind chefs jacket happi coat.

74.  Your children are named hashers and often give shit to the hare about not enough shiggy on trail.

75.  You have so many pictures of hashes you have to get an external hard drive to keep them all since you refuse to put that kind of smut into the cloud.

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76. Your back looks like this. HeyUWannaLeiMe/POHO H3

#77 – 81 Contributed by Our Bloody Bitch/Random H3

77.  You have a (muggles would call him a) penpal whom you have never met in person. You don’t really write each other, you just mail each other haberdashery.

78.  When you see an El Camino, you start singing. Then you take a pic and post it to Party Line! H3.

79.  When you are ready to walk to the bar, a muggle asks if you have any solo cups for the road and the question offends you.

80.  The people at the dollar store assume you own a bakery.

81.  You call your significant other by hash name, even when it is just the two of you at home.

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#82 – 87 Contributed by Clitorias Secret/Voodoo H3

82.  You find it perfectly acceptable that a Australian be named kiwi weewee and a Jew is named Meowshwitz.

83.  You have no problem yelling Fuck! Ass! Tits! Or Cunt! through a crowd of muggles as long as halminds like Fucktard, Asses Up, Tits Don’t Fit, or No Cunttroll are in earshot.

84. You start to say your hash name when Meeting new people usually catching it right before it gets awkward, for them.

85.  You spend too much time thinking of the most offensive thing you can possibly call your closest buddy only to be heartbroken when someone who Barely knows them to come up with a better name.

86.  You can’t listen to certain songs or jingles with your non hashing relatives anymore.

87.  You realize you made the best possible decision with your life, drinking and hashing with half minds is the best day(s) of your week.

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#88 – 91 Contributed by Uppercunt/FUH3

88.  You greet female hashers with “Nice tits” or “I haven’t seen your tits yet”

89.  You have two or more pairs of running shoes, one of which will never ever be washed or thrown away until they are absolutely falling apart because you’ll have to drink out of a shiny new pair at circle.

90.  You’ve had ticks on your ass.

91.  You’ve given/received poison ivy as an sti.

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92.  You have at least 5 comical answers to the question “what are you wearing under your kilt?” – Contributed by Rock Out With My Cock Out

93.  You go to Disneyland and can’t remember the right words to “It’s A Small World.” Contributed by Chlamydia Chlamydia/Colorado Kimchi H3

#94 – 98. Contributed by Lost In My Rabbit Hole/Random H3

94.  You acquire a colostomy bag and a bedpan and the first thing you think is “I can’t wait to show these to my friends”

95.  You won’t make your significant other a drink until (s)he signals that (s)he needs one by holding his/her empty vessel upside down above his/her head.

96.  The harriettes at InterAm take over the stage at the strip club and you’re excited that you can spend your tip money on more beer.

97.  You think “the other bus sucks” mentality is infallible.

98.  You see a problem at work and you know that the only real solution is a “trial by gravity!”

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#99 – 102 Contributed by Repeat Offender/Phoenix Hash House Harriers

99.  You are known by multiple hash names across the world thanks to your completely appropriate behavior at each of them.

100. You rent a storage unit just to hold all of your hashing attire.

101.  When you order a PBR you can’t do it without singing Heineken schmeinekin fuck that Pabst blue ribbon.

102. You go to travel hash for the first time and more than 10 people say oh I’ve heard about you. – Contributed by Triple X/East Hill H3 Pensacola

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103. Your pregnant daughter limbos under a chainlink fence 2 days before giving birth to your grandson…because that’s what grandma wound do. Hashbaby! – Contributed by Triple X/East Hill H3 Pensacola

104. You own your own machete because it is the best way to cut fresh trail through heavy shiggy. Contributed by Pokeranus/SaipanH3

105.  When you spend time reading things like this…when you should be working! – Contributed by Youth-In-Asia

#106 – 109 Contributed by Jousting for Tampons

106.  You have had tan lines in the shape of your necklace.

107.  You have worn hash attire to non-hash events thinking, “this is a damn good opportunity to promote”.

108.  You constantly size up new people you meet to see if they are good hash material.

109.  Bringing a virgin to a hash always feels like you’re helping them be “born again”.

110.  You don’t recognize people with their clothes on.   – Contributed by Head-To-Toe-In-Utero

111.  When you ask a brother hasher if they are going to the red dress run and they reply, “I left my dress at home” and you say, “no problem, I always keep a spare in my hash bag.”  – Contributed by Brother Darryl/SAH3

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